My Story

I come from a very distant land where people are like the people of other nations,

I am a 20 year old girl living in Pakistan with big dreams,the very first dream is to become a lecturer in some university,to teach,to educate,to spread awareness is my goal.

Going to be an english graduate soon right now just waiting for the right moment to spread my wings and conquer my goals,

Have an admiration for cats,I believe animals are better than people.

 

can’t let go things that easily,hate goodbyes,music is the reason I am still alive,if get a chance will learn spanish,I feel this language is just magical,all languages are but this one is in my list to learn,

 

love to read currently reading “Dombey and sons” by Charles Dickens.Love to shop and meet new people,trying to learn how to drive if I do so you won’t see me sitting down doing nothing,

would go for a long drive with loud music, just me trying to find who I am,everyday trying to be better than yesterday, believer in love and peace,equality.

Want to find someone who will understand me and love me as I am.You won’t understand me just by reading this as easy as it looks is in reality something complicated in disguise.I hope you get my point and I will fill you on about my life,Life is difficult but its up to us if we wanna give up or stand back up after the blow, I stood up,let me help you stand back up too.

Back for a while

Hi everyone, started this blog four or five years ago, things have changed incredibly, don’t even ask about how much I have changed, for the better that is.

Life has been good with all its up and down motion, teaching me to be a better person every day, I have learned a lot, by chance I came back to check and saw how adorable my writing was, I mean it made me happy and laugh, how I was so full of passion.

When I had created this blog, I was a freshman now I have completed my Masters and currently doing my second.

Time flies fast, It feels good and surreal, looking at my bio or intro, I get nostalgic, I have gotten some of the things I wanted back then, very grateful for it. Let’s see how much I stay here.

Many of my friends have left the building, I am here on a visit as well, on the other hand, I am quite active on my Instagram thesehrishkhan

You can check it out 🙂 much love. https://instagram.com/thesehrishkhan?igshid=1pj53xi0jwvmg

“The sudden drop”

Hey guys!
I’ve been off lately, life is been busy yeah… Things change, people move on.

Have you ever felt like everything is wrong when nothing is wrong at all?

Have you ever felt like wish you could stay in the zone when you are watching a movie and never come out?

It happened with me today, me and my bro were watching “Baby driver”, yeah the Elsen Algort one,

And suddenly it ended, I mean not suddenly as it ended on its required timing but sadly it did,

And I was back again in my life, nothing wrong happened all day, all was fine.

Yet, I felt a sudden drop, it was not actually a movie people get inspired with, I mean it was kinda dark, so there is no room for comparison with that fictional life and mine, 

But I literally felt a drop like I could feel something drop within me and now I am sitting on this emotional rollercoaster but I know something is wrong and I guess that something is me,

Today, I was having a chat with my friend and we were discussing our talk with the teacher who asked us a question, what do you want from life? search for your track, 

She was kinda on the pessimistic side as she agreed with our teacher’s mood that his life was not that good at this particular moment, he wanted more from it but he couldn’t get his hands on it.

I said bluntly that I was positive. I inwardly know what I want, it is clear actually, I talk to myself about it all the time, boost myself up for the coming life and stuff, it is just me being me, I have a habit to clear it out with myself as I’ve been a loner for a long time, lets just say from the day, I was born, I hadn’t had any real friends and sadly now I have gotten used to it.

But that’s not the problem here, the problem is the sudden drop, why and what caused it?

Life is strange and we are even stranger like if a person is complicated from within like beneath the skin with all the heart, lungs and stuff, you should see his good for nothing mind, 

It is shit compressed into a ball that likes to be bounced around every so often, mine likes it when I drive myself crazy with overthinking.

I don’t know what I wanna discuss anymore, I don’t know what I am feeling, it’s something like a mixture of depressed frustration and sadness…

Sometimes I just wanna get a car and go and never come back or maybe go on a road trip with no restrictions 

Only me and my music and the car obviously, no fears, no regrets, no boundaries.

But life is a boundary itself and I am soul bounded within a body like I said shit compressed into a ball.

To hell with it, I won’t bother you further, I just wanted to get it out and I did…

Share your thoughts, talk to me if you have time, maybe we both will find someone who will actually listen to us. 

Maybe I’ll find someone who knows the importance of a person, his or her person, I never had that person, it sucks I know but someday I will and he or she will be forever my person. Peace. 

Battle Scars

Life O Life, why were you so mean to me?       I wasn’t mean this was your reality!,

This couldn’t be my reality, I was destined for something good,                                            Be patient young Lass you will soon understand me,           

 You are a bully, a predator in disguise,    Why not change the words to teacher or guide! 

You despise me, you want to see me suffer,  It’s just in your head little one, wait for my signal,

 What signal you talk of, another bullet to my bare chest,                                                     Ah! Not a bullet Lass but a medal fairly sculpted for your brave chest , 

No no keep it, I am happy with my battle scars,                                                                      I wear them with pride, they are better than any gold or luxurious stone you talk of!

Ohho so you have learned your lesson now Little Lass,                                                            You adore your scars because they define who you are!

They are me and I am them, there is no me if there is no them,

All I want is peace and happiness to survive, now will you O teacher provide me with that prize?,

I will Lass I will, you have proved yourself, you deserve to live, 

You deserve to be happy, you deserve to rise, like a Falcon you will soar through the sky!

I promise you from up above that you will be satisfied! 

My Little Secret

I will paint the sky red for you,                         I will paint the sea black,                        Colors got darker when you and I met!

 

Birds started to cry,                                    Wind started to sing,                                      We created our own symphonies when we walked across hell..

All the demons started to cheer for our happy ending,                                                   You and I hand in hand wrote our own happy ending!
The sky was at our feet,the sea above our heads,                                                               we hovered in mid air away from all the stares,

You believed in me,I believed in you,            We were us against the world,             leaving everyone in shocking gloom,

“dare say tell us little lass your little secret”,          “It won’t be a secret if I tell you”

“Little Lass”

What will I be without my scars?,

Without my stains,without my pain,

They tell a story of a little girl,              Delicate as a flower,grown up in a city full of thorns,

An angel with a bright heart,her eyes full of scorching sparks!

A pretty smile plastered on her little face,her voice saying I will win this game!

She knew life was rigged,she knew it was already fixed!

So she did what was in her fragile hands,  she undo the chains with a small jerk of hand, 

It broke into tiny pieces of shattered rules,    she clapped at the sight of her freedom bloom!

Life assaulted the little lass with all it’s might,                                                             with harsh experiences and tainted rights!

She won against all like a warrior out for war!

She wears her scars with magnanimous pride because her scars are a symbol of her being alive!

“Glass Doll”

You were everything to me but it didn’t last.
You found someone else to sing for, I found someone else to dance with,

you sketched your temporary goddess,          I wrote a song for my tainted prince,

We met again in June, the rain washed away our pain, our sufferings…                   we smiled and said our hellos,

One umbrella, two unstitched hearts,       Two souls, one heartbeat,

A perfect moment, last goodbye,                  Two marriages, two murders,                   Ego won again!

When I think of happiness you still appear in my mind, is it just me or my mind is playing it’s tricks again, 

I hope you are doing fine in your life with your goddess, my tainted prince is not really a prince after all… 

Atleast one of us is happy, I don’t have much to say, regrets are voiceless, Ego speaks it’s polished language all the time, wish you were here to pick up the fallen pieces like you did in mid december, I still remember! 

Sincerely,

your dancing glass doll

“Be a Firefly”

In a world full of flies be a fire fly!        Spread light in darkness,

In a world full of moths be a butterfly,    Spread color and beauty, don’t symbolize darkness or decay, be a symbol of life,

Be a voice in a room full of silence,        Spread awareness, be a voice for the voiceless inmates of the prison of conventionalism, 

Be a giver for once, don’t expect anything in return, 

Think good for others and goodness will find you, 

Be a helping hand for once, not a bully!

Be a human with feelings and affections, we all have demons within us, let us destroy them, cage them and give rise to our positive selves, to our human selves, for once think about others not for our ownselves, just think!

Let us be lanterns of light for the lost wanderers, let us guide them back to the path of righteousness, 

Let us give them hope! that we are one and not make them feel like outcasts or exiles from their own kind or land.

Let us for once be less selfish, less cruel!

“Past”

Have you ever witnessed an attack from your past unexpectedly,

The more I want it to stay behind the more it corners me, the things I want to leave buried gets dug up by someone or something and is served to me on a silver platter dish, why can’t it just stay where it belongs, in the past that is….

I am not the same person anymore, I have changed completely, no doubt. I have finished that battle, some I won and some I lost but I have moved on haven’t I? 

They say make peace with your past but how can I make peace with it, if it keeps coming back to me like a boomerang, it keeps dancing like my present is it’s perfect lighted stage, it keeps bouncing infront of me like a ball, why can’t I get freedom from it? why. 

Am I still affected by it that’s why it’s coming back to me or maybe it’s trying to teach me something that I am still unaware of, maybe it’s just playing games with me, I don’t know…

But I do know is that I am literally bored of it, it doesn’t hold much value or doesn’t have much impact on me.. Maybe it did taught me something, to let it go, to not get affected.
My past is like my shadow,                              It travelled with me through thick and thin,

It taught me to survive, it taught me to strive,                                   

It made me who I am today,                          No doubt! I am surprised 

I have made peace with it,                           you should too,

My past my shadow,                                       My past my faithful friend.

Super Positive?

Is it possible to be super positive?
 A new question is bouncing in my head like a ping pong ball, it goes up, it goes down, I throw it away, it comes back with a much higher force, Can we be Godly positive, it’s not even a word I know but can we.

Can you be that positive that if someone does you wrong you try to explain it to yourself,  he or she is just fighting their own battle I was just a part of his/her battle, it was me or his/her goal and like everyone else would, he chose his/her goal and as a result I was hurt or left behind. Can we be this positive? that we try to feel what was his/her reason behind causing me trouble, 

That he or she had to do it, I think that’s how it works someone falls someone gains,  I think this is life, or is it not? can two people get the same thing at the same time without harming each other? think, don’t we everytime leave someone behind when we succeed. 

No one is entirely your enemy, you are just in their way and they have to do you wrong, weird right. 

I think I can never be this positive. Can you? 

I will just stick to being earthly positive haha!

“My Life Line”

How overwhelming is the feeling of goodbye, 

I am two and a half year away from closing my university journey, it’s a really long time, I know you must think that but do ponder on the notion that the thing you did two months ago felt like you did it yesterday, it just gives me the chills. 

My best friend and I started our journey together, but suddenly she is having a change of mind, she wants to do her Masters in some other field, she is not feeling it, the spark that is.

Me and my bestfriend are total opposites. if I say I am a night owl she is an early bird, she prefers hot beverages, I on the other hand am Elsa’s cousin, cold as Ice haha, it was a joke, I am sensitive she is as solid as a rock, sometimes I envy her “I don’t give a damn” attitude, but she is my sweetheart, I still love her, I want her to stay so badly, I want to see us both completing the same journey together, us against the world, too cheesy, yeah I know, I can’t help it, 

But we all know I have to let go at some point, I have to move on, she will do whats right for her and I will do whats right for me, maybe these few months are our last ones together, clock is ticking and I know it surely won’t stop for me.

I don’t like ending things, why do we have to end everything?, why can’t it just flow like the river or exist forever like time?, why does our moments fade away, why do they end up in our pile of memories?, 

I know these questions are weird, probably even irrelevant, It’s like I am asking why can’t I stay forever young?, right. yeah, Well surely I will survive this like I have done a thousand times in my life, it’s a huge and necessary part of life, everything has to end,

Your fears, your dreams, your hopes everything, one day everything will perish, 

“veil of nothingness will cover us up until there is nothing but darkness, calming darkness that will snuff out the candle of life from our souls not because we sinned but because of our completed journey, time is up and we have to leave”,

Our last journey will end too but this journey will not stir my heart,  It will fill my veins with calmness and I will say,

“I have done it, I have completed my quest, I have discovered myself, it was not only a physical journey but an insightful one indeed, and as I leave this dusty peice of a land that we call earth I leave with my true self, I leave with a thousand memories, I leave with a thousand hugs and kisses, I leave with a thousand blessings, I leave with my experiences and their impact on other people, if not people then atleast my family, my siblings, my children, my grand children, my neighbours, my students, my colleages, my friends, my life line”.

“I leave with satisfaction”

Never forget that even if you did nothing in your life you did something, your presence was important and you have left your mark on this land and it makes a difference, a huge difference, believe in yourself!