“Degree In Hand”

Sometimes growing up feels like I am moving forward,
Sometimes it feels like I am closer to death,

Sometimes it highlights my body with unknown sensations of positivity, negativity or nega-positive feelings, 

My heart beats like a drum, my mind flows like a drape in windy weather, 

My goals want me to soar high but still I feel very far from the beautiful aerial sky,

As we grow up suddenly I feel like my positivity is fading away, as I stand face to face with life!

with a degree in hand I stand there with jocund, aesthetic feelings looking far from where I stand,

picturizing my future as magnificent as I dreamt it would be!

Oh! the sorcery of reality that had summoned me when I was young has dismissed me now as I stand here degree in my hand,

Just me and my degree isolated from the rest!

Why do I still feel like I am standing at the same mount from where I started to trek!

“I stand alone Degree in hand”

“Eyes”

Everbody is fighting a war,

As a sole surviver trodding down the hell road,

he fights,he dodges,he wins against the Hell Gods,

If you want to know the depth of my problems,stare in my eyes,

As you would see what I have been through and what have I conquered, my eyes never lie!

To assume One is not fighting a war as fierce as yours is a crime,

Cause if you ever be placed in someone else’s shoes, you would return them back to it’s owner and say May God give you strength,

Every one is fighting a battle, every one is on a different level, fighting with different monsters, trying to survive life.

Every man for himself, it’s the survival of the fittest. 

My eyes are like the mirror that reflects my inner self but it is also a dungeon for my blood thirsty demons that try to run away and spread havoc.

War for peace! War for a cause! 

“Thank you”


When the world makes you believe you are nothing,  you are worthless, you are lesser than them,

It is God who still believes in you,               He is your shade against the heat,                 He is your shield from the arrows of darkness,                                                         He is the medicine to your pain.                 He is the demon hunter to your demons, 

No one wants to listen to you, It is He who is always available for your crys of despair, It is He who responds without a delay,

We always remember God when we are troubled but we don’t remember him when we are happy,

Thank you God for being my only friend, My partner when I walked the bridge of fire, thank you for being there when nobody else was,

Now I stand tall against the evil, I push it back to hell, to its cave, You can’t touch the one who is blessed, who is loved by Him.

Thank you!

I have conquered my fears, I have pushed the negativities away that were present in me, I am a believer, A faithful believer! 

“Road Trip To Self discovery”

ALRIGHT, so this time I will highlight the trip that flourished the best in me, that made me stronger and broadened my mindset, firstly going to tell you about my surroundings and my family because you will need the information to match the dots, let’s start yay!, This trip was one of my dreams and I lived it to the fullest.
I am a muslim girl living in Pakistan, you will know that if you have checked my “Who am i” so moving further, I have two brothers one is older than me (23) the other one is younger than me (13) and I am happily a 20 year old, I am infact a brother sandwich, bread on both side, over protective, authoritative bread slices on both sides as the bread slices help the chicken to not fall out, my brothers protect me from falling, I have given them nicknames which they proudly approve of, The older one is Batman cause he is a hardcore fan, the other one is Iron man because he is hard as iron,  I once hit him and he laughed then commented “This is all you got”, yes I am lucky as hell, (sarcasm), Okay being the only daughter my parents are way over protective of me,  yes fortunately for me I live in a sheilded castle, guarded 24/7 from demons of the world and some cute demons cough cough (Boys), well to tell you something, I really appreciate my family’s efforts to make me happy, “Family comes first” always remember that, when my friends so called friends let me down my brothers sheilded me from hurricanes of sadness and heart break, I love them, I still remember on my 19 birthday I cried cause my so called friends bailed on me at the last moment, I planned my day perfectly, I had been planning for months but it got wasted, I cried yes I am girl, a sensitive girl but a positive one indeed, I still remember the rage in their eyes, the anger, the blaze if only they could find the source of my sadness they would by hands rip them apart, they can be annoying but they won my heart completely that day, I love them. Got a little emotional, so one day I received a message from my friend “Hey Sehrish up for a trip” yes my name is Sehrish not I repeat not, “Thegirlinthegreycoat”, I was studying for my semester exams at that moment, I said “What” in reply and focused on reading again then a message popped up and I couldn’t concentrate any more, it was my best friend’s message she wanted to go too, The first thing that came in my mind was that it was a two day trip with a night stay and my parents will kill me, a big no no, for some of you it will be normal, what is she talking about, so naive, well when you are your parent’s princess and you haven’t travelled alone any where outside the home city then it becomes a problem, asking for permission was like I was a warrior alone fighting Aries the God of War, sorry about that just watched wonder woman, I had a week to decide about it and that week I couldn’t focus on anything else, I finally had the courage to ask my brother first yes my big bro, he glared then laughed at my messages I talked to him through messages, i sent long sweet ones, the i love you bro, you are the best ones, Yes i did that, he said he doesn’t mind me going but I have to get permission from mom and dad both, I was half happy half sad, My dad repeated the same words ask your brother and your mom, thank you Dad for the support (Sarcasm) now The Queen was left, yes my mother and I recieved a pretty good lecture and scolding, she didn’t agree with me at all, I sadly returned to my room and sadness embraced me, I wanted to go! I wanted to be free to make my own choices, one time I read somewhere “Roadtrips with friends”, it was that sentence that awakened the monster of adventure in me, I crave Adventure, rush, I don’t want to be a victim of regret, I was not going down that easily, I am a very weird person,I like rush I love adventure, I love it when I get fueled up and excited, I don’t want a normal life, I want to create memories, I want to fulfill my dreams, I want thrill! and this trip was gonna give it to me, just us girls 4 in number, but the girl I was going with was taking her private driver, private car, so it was safe too, atlast I managed to get a yes but my mom said you can go but I am just saying that halfheartedly, I had the permission in my hand but I was not satisfied because my family was not happy and I will never leave until they happily say yes, my trip would be forced and The guilt of forcing. my family will ruin the fun and happiness of that trip so I said no, the day before the trip arrived, I was in a war with my mind and my heart, my best friend’s parents also said no, so we were out but still my mind was still anxious, I talked to her (the friend) and told the cause of my No, safety issues,  road travel, single driver four girls in the middle of nowhere,  you get my point, she was sad too, I went home I was sad, I once more talked to her(mom) and explained why I wanted to go, I told her I want this, she has to trust me, she can’t hide me in her wings forever, I am a big girl now, I need to do this, It’s my dream, I want to do it for experience, she told me you got the permission go, I said,I will never leave or take a decision until my family is fully satisfied, I will never go against them, go against her, once I did and I payed the price, she smiled and said “Let me help you pack”, I just won her, I smiled wildly and laughed, I was on cloud 9, My best friend couldn’t believe that I got the permission, to tell you the truth there is nothing greater than doing something which your family approves of, I live in Pakistan going on a road trip alone with friends and just girls is really big and if we also add a night stay it just makes it more complicated, 

I packed, I was happy, I was satisfied, I thought my family will never let me live my life my way but I guess I was wrong, I was just blinded by the fact that I was always from the start living my life my way, no wonder it got messed up in between, then I started to listen to my parents and it started to florish perfectly,sometimes we think we know whats best for us until we fall facefirst to the ground, I fell and got bruised but the ones who sealed my bruises completely was my family, 

In those two days I felt like I was living in a fairy tale it was all so perfect and out of the ordinary for me, the trip started on saturday we left for Thatta first, at 11:00 so we had the whole day of adventure infront of us,  The trip included three cities Thatta, Hyderabad, Jamshorro where the girl’s hostel was located, we friends wanted to experience the hostel life of another city and I am glad we took that step, The cities of Pakistan, the cites were away from each other, if we calculate the distance by car travel it took us two hours to reach Thatta from Karachi (homecity), then three hours from Thatta to hyderabad, then one hour to reach Jamshoro, I was so excited and fired up,

We first left for Thatta, where we would visit my friend’s house, it is where her family lives, while we headed to our destination the car ride included us being girls means singing and half dancing as we were sitting to different songs, one song latched itself to us, so we name it our road trip song cause when ever we opened the radio it was always playing, we got fed up with it and when ever it came a groan was released by us in frustration, we listened to it for two days, yes imagine the frustration, Taking pictures, making vids, laughing eating different snacks along the way, whenever the car stopped at small half build villages we got a chance to eat something interesting, I just tasted raw honey on a stick, can you believe it, me being a city girl it was out of the ordinary experience for me,sugarcane cut into blocks of yumminess, it was so juicy, later we started to notice the two things were being imported through the roads in trucks one was banana’s and second was date fruit’s rusted leaves, interesting, we counted the trucks once in a while we saw these trucks passing our car. We finally reached our destination, My friend’s house was huge, with the pool and the indoor gym, the guards, the works, her dad was a government official, we met her family, they were pretty hospitable, the lunch table was filled with feasts, everything was so delicious and we took some rest and then we were off to hyderabad, our goofing around started again, we saw desert mounds, the trip was towards the Sindh side of Pakistan so less greenry more desert type lands, but still i enjoyed it alot, We stopped at a store in between Thatta and hyderabad, that was in my to do list, to shop at a store in the middle of nowhere, check, we gathered snacks, sweets, chocolates we bought almost every snack, it was so fun shopping, I just really like the feeling  being independent well I have worked in a school for two years as a teacher I know what independence is but this was something interesting to do, enjoy the little things,  we saw many different things along the way,  Sindh river was a part our places to visit, Makli Takri its an old graveyard we didn’t went in, but just to see it by my own eyes was enough, I have read about it in books about this graveyard now I finally saw it too, We reached Hyderabad, It is a city, well build but nothing as compared to my hometown Karachi, Karachi is like the “Paris of France”, we went to a mall, every girl’s heaven, where we met the other girls who lived in the hostel of Jamshoro, We greeted each other, they were so nice and friendly, now our trip squad included 6 girls, well when 6 wild girls come together in a group something bad is about to happen, bad in a fun, crazy way, we wandered in the mall and goofed around, then we went to an amusement park, which was also in “the list to visit”, we were so high going on fast rides, running around carefree, just enjoying the moment, we clicked immediately when we met, we sat on those dodging cars, bumped our cars into one another, laughed like 6 harley quinns, we were so high and we were not even drunk, we went to eat after that where the food was not really good and service was crappy, we stopped one of our friend from starting a fight, she literally insulted the manager, our eyes went wide when she commented on their service and food bluntly, we had to drag her out of there, 

The road to Jamshoro from Hyderabad was huge,  a single road, very little traffic, 6 wild girls listening to music, spreading their hands out from the car windows, our car almost look like it had grew wings, cold breeze, darkness, under the open sky, the moment was epic, we didn’t wanted the car ride to end,

We went to the hostel our last destination for the day, it was 7:00 now we were tired, as we stepped in the hostel, we were astounded to see the huge area and it’s security, everything was so perfect, girls playing and sitting outside, laughing, carefree, we were completely flabbergasted we came from the city, my mind had thought the hostel life would be tough, but it was like heaven, many girls came and greeted us, welcomed us with open hands, we rested, talked, walked outside, the hostel was a really huge area surrounded by walls so it was safe and secured 24/7, girls were walking outside their dorm rooms even in mid night, I walked too with my friend talking, taking in the beauty and freedom of this place, I wanted to stay here forever, the walk was pleasant it was my type of life here, walking under the sky at night no worries, just me and myself,  I even sat alone for a hour just thinking and feeling happily fullfilled, the cold breeze surrounding me was putting me a trance, I wanted to get lost. Then when it was 1:00 we prepared our late night dinner, we bought the ingredients on the way, it was so fun to cook and  eat with my girls, we went to bed at 3:00 that night, I am a night owl so I took a little longer to sleep listening to music and watching the sky, my bed was near a window so yeah it was bed goals, I was completely mesmerized by the beauty and simplicity of this trip, I was a city girl but I wanted to be a country girl, I wanted to stay longer but I only had one more day left and I was gonna live it to the fullest, 

The next day we woke up at 7:00 dressed up and went out for photos and walking, we had breakfast, then we hit the road in Jamshoro now my friend was driving, we left the driver at the hostel, we wanted to visit the universities present here and see the city, it was fun, when you have an entertaining driver the ride itself becomes the best, just us girls wandering in Jamshoro, after that small yet memorable ride we headed back to Hyderabad then Thatta this was the route through which we will head back home, We stopped at my friend’s for lunch in Thatta then again our travel continued,

On the way we visited a temple I wanted to see one actually, it was beautiful, to get to know about a different religion made this trip more interesting, there was a person who guided us, it was a pleasant experience. Then we went to “Kurly jheel” yes finally a place where I saw open water it was a lake but the weather was really hot, the scorching heat got us all sweaty, Argh, to make the best of it we went on a boat trip it was so fun not to forget fast, really fast, I was sitting in the front, I even recorded the whole ride, making memories, touching the water, enjoying the wind and not to forget the sun, the ride ended but I will always remember it, our final thing to do before we head back home was to visit a field.

On the way to Thatta when out trip started, we had seen a field of flowers and we were completely stunned and lost in the beauty of those flowers, first we thought that they were some crops but when we focused our gaze we were shocked, it was the first time I had seen so many Sunflowers, My friends call me “Wordsworth” I know it’s a big name and I am nothing as compared to the great Wordsworth, they say that because I sometimes get lost in nature, I know I just take some time to take in the beauty of nature and I love flowers and when I saw a field of sunflowers, I got anxious I wanted to run in them, touch them, feel them, I wanted to drown my self in that beautiful ocean, Now finally I got the chance to see them, our car stopped and I hurriedly ran to them like a lunatic, I was completely amazed by the sunflower’s beauty, the field was glowing in the sun like fire and I wanted to burn myself in it, I captured the scene in my phone I wish I could take the whole field back to my homecity, I created my version of the daffodils by wordsworth, his daffodils, my sunflowers! now I know why he wrote a poem about it, I wanted to write one too.

This trip made me stronger, braver, more smarter. This trip made me discover who I am and what do I want, when I got back home safely I was proud, I done it! I took a step, I conquered my fear of travelling alone without family, I made my own decisions, I found myself, The person who left that Saturday was scared of the unknown the person who returned was the one who won, pushed herself to the limits, that day I had broken many chains and I am satisfied with my decision, I am glad I didn’t give up and didn’t hesitated, I went and experienced the thrill of adventure, I experienced being alive and free, I had gathered many insipiration from that trip after that I discovered I wanted to write, I wanted to be free, I wanted to be better than yesterday, I wanted to be strong, I discovered myself, I needed that before the perfect closure, I know who I am and what I want, I became more confident and more positive, my optimistic nature hit the boom, It will take  alot of work to lower my confidence down, I am independent!.

This got a little too long but if you finished it thank you for giving it time, I appreciate it! 

“Human”

Sometimes the one who always is the shoulder to cry on, needs a shoulder himself/herself, needs a friend, needs a buddy, needs a person who will listen but I don’t trust anyone anymore! how will I cope with all of this pent up emotions now, even if I do want to share I can’t, my mind won’t let me, exhausted I stand here looking for a solution, giving up I head back to my loneliness who open handedly waits for me to embrace it, It comforts me,hushes me and say “I knew you will be back” 
Sometimes I feel strange, I am the most optimistic person you will ever find, over optimistic to be exact,

But sometimes you will also find me lurking in my darkness, in my isolation, I dont expect anyone to come and save me, sometimes my stronger side leaves me alone and I struggle to survive but sometimes i enjoy this isolation!

I am pretty happy, satisfied, content with my life but why do I feel as if something is missing,sometimes I feel it’s emptiness, like I am missing a puzzle piece, but I only feel it when I am weird, sitting on an emotional rollercoaster, I am on this ride for two days and I really want to get off it, wishing my sane, emotionally stable self take its place back, because I don’t want to handle all of this anxious, agitated feeling in me, I want my rested, composed self back. 

I think I will never get my answer, Its I guess just a thing that comes with being a human package,  “Be a human get this weird abnoxious feeling free, you are happy, everything is going great but you will still feel something is missing”, perks of being a human, yay!

I always share my optimistic side, the one which is always full of life and passion, I thought why not write something when you feel not like your usual self, 

It’s okay sometimes the strongest players feel stressed and they need a rest from all of it, you don’t always have to be or act like you are strong, it’s okay to be not sure, it’s okay to feel human!

I will be back with my strong side soon, one bad chapter doesn’t make the whole book horrible, if I have one bad then thousand good, I am smart enough to know that I will be fine tomorrow, cheers, it will pass, it always does!

“Woman”

Watch me as I soar through the sky,

My blazing wings of passion spreaded in the wind like shelter for those who need it,

My desire filled eyes, glaring down my enemies, they watch me as I rise, 

Back from the ruins to take revenge, to show what they thought was a mere drizzle was a storm in disguise,

They tried to chain me down, they try their very best to trap me, cage me but like the Phoenix I rise , 

Their horrified faces when i break free and rise high from the depths of destruction, 

Stand tall against the evil, against the chaos,

The macabre expression on their face, the fire in my eyes, i stood up for myself

I prayed to be saved but no answer, so I became my own hero, my own protector,my own guardian, 

I was born a hero, I wouldn’t go down without a fight,

You want war,you raged it when you challenged me, when you challenged a woman!

The beast inside me opened it’s eyes the day you threathed me, try to break me, 

I am a woman,I am a beast,I am magnanimous,

I can lead with pride, I can create my own army, an army as strong as an earthquake, as deep and disastrous as a tsunami,

My caged monster is free and alive, Let’s see how you win against a determined, high willed woman, a woman who build herself up from pieces, a woman born in chaos, a woman who fights with demons of the days and nights daily, bravely. A woman who will rip you apart if you dare do harm to her family. A woman, a warrior created by life. 

Never surrender, fight till the end. Her power, her confidence, her intelligence is her beauty, Never taught to give up by her Mentors, 

Fight for yourself, for your people, fight for anyone who seeks help and refuge in your wings of protection, Fight!!! 

  

“Goodbyes”

WHY do i hate goodbyes?
Never really focused on this simple yet complicated question, why do I hate it, why do I simply hate the word good bye, I think I just hate the feeling I get after it, suppose if you were at a party in the end you say goodbye, its over, go back home, when your friend leaves you,  you say it, I think its because this certain “Goodbye” comes after the happiness, when things end, the journey is over and you have to find something more interesting to do or maybe better to do, 

The word Goodbye leaves my body feeling weird and all tingly, I have said many goodbyes in my life some were just short term, some were long, sometimes I say it just to meet my friend the other day and sometimes I say it for the last time to some one, 

The thing that overwhelms me is the thought that not always you know that this is the last time you say good bye to someone, last time you meet them, hug them, smile with them and sometimes life never gives you a chance to even say good bye, We never really know when it’s our last time that’s why they say live your life to the fullest but can you live everyday to the fullest,guess not, 

I like to believe that our lives are like books, every person is a protagonist in their own book,  having different chapters, some have less chapters and some have really typical long ones and some have moderate ones, I like to satisfy my self by telling my heart when something ends or someone leaves. People are like extra characters in your story they play their part and leave,they get replace by new people who are necessary for your story to move further, every person plays a role in your story, every memory, every adventure, every thing small or big has a huge impact on your story which makes it different from the rest, and to be sad over something or someone is not worth it at all, your extra characters will be replaced by new ones, by new experiences, by new adventures. Don’t worry your story is amazing not just a passing cloud it’s the sky itself, It is majestic, it has a spark.

Will I ever stop hating the word goodbye, can’t actually say yes because I know its something I just like to stay away from, but I know I cant just run away from it, its a part of my story, even my story will have an ending, so let’s just stop stressing and try to live like there is no tomorrow, Try to be happy, make people happy, Spread love and say no to hate.Felt quite happy to get it off my chest, phew, feeling light like Elsa says it in Frozen “Let it go”, then see the magic after it. It is not the end but only a beginning of something more breathtaking, enjoy life, as i said before “Everything has an ending” do it before your story ends, live everyday like a climax scene in a movie.