“An Open Letter To The Old Me”

images (1)First of all,i would like to thank you,you have taught me to be who i am today.I know you can’t read this now but i miss you,i know i saw you in your darkest days and saw the world crush your dreams,your feelings were ripped to shreds,they stomped over your heart with leather boots,they dissolved your confidence in the cauldron filled with boiling poison,they tried to dim your light and i saw you bruised, begging for mercy and i saw you die before handing this body to me for protection,you were like a split personality and so am i.Don’t worry she is strong now,when she(The narrator) saw you how the world ended you,she called for me and who am i,I am a stronger you and I will protect her cause i have created barriers with sharp edges around her and she will never get hurt again, i wont let her.

Narrator: I saw the old me die and it was a murder indeed,i called for help,i begged God to save me from this torture world make me strong then i felt a sudden boost in my body it was like someone wants me to step back up and i stood up and i heard a voice inside me that said “let me protect you” and i said please! help and thats when i gave myself up to the stronger me,who knows this world better than the old me and is armed completely,intelligent,observant and who has no room for trust now,The Present me has set barriers for me and has given me rules that i should follow but i still hear her cry sometimes and it scares me….

The new Me: I saw her die she was young,naive,sensitive,she was a light in darkness,i still remember when she was young,she wanted to make friends but she didnt get a chance to have any,i still remember when she thought that her friends would stop her if she left but soon she realized they all wished she would disappear somewhere,i still remember nobody sat with her in class and the girl who everyone was avoiding sat beside her and they both smiled, one smile was real and the other smile had a secret motif she had chicken pocks and Old me was the victim,i still remember when she tried to talk to her cousins and they suddenly decided to go fetch something from the food counter leaving her alone to sit while they never returned,i still remember when she had an accident and broke her front teeth she cried not because she was hurt but because she would be bullied for it,i still remember when she made her very first best friend who turned out to be a b**** and had turned their class teacher against her because of which old me faced many consequences.i still remember everything but not everything can be written cause i know i dont have the strenght to explain it more but i would explain some good things i remember too

i still remember when she changed her school to a new one and got the first seat in class which had a spare seat attached to it and a chubby girl with dark complexion ran to sit at the free spot,after placing her bag she shrugged and look into her (Old me) eyes and thought that Old me would insult her like the whole class had, but she passed her a smile,i still remember the girl’s face, the old me was tired too but still she helped the one who was drowning and saved her and gave her hope,i still remember when she saw a begger outside the car,she gave him all she had,mere coins but that was all she had at that moment.I still remember that she was always the first one to raise hands if someone needed help but when she needed it no hands were spreaded infront of her.i still remember her kindness towards animals and how she moved her face quickly to the other side when she saw a wounded animal because she couldn’t do anything about it.i still remember her naive thoughts that the world is sweet but the world was the one who murdered her brutally.

My aim was not to show her nobelity but her innocence they came to me when she died and said “you have changed” and i said i haven’t changed i have evolved.You (world) think i changed oh no,its just that i stopped living my life your way,you thought,well the day was off man let’s beat her up,You thought let’s play with feelings because you are too cool for toys, lets sabotage her dreams,sabotaging blocks or lego castles was so yesterday man,lets break her heart because someone has to teach her right “Growup Brat”,When you thought she learned not to fall for your tricks as a child you came with a master plan to ruin her future instead,i still remember she went for an interview and the oversmart assistant took her c.v and put it aside with a smirk and when the pion accidentally send her inside you stopped her mid way and said “She didnt call you” with a huge degrading smirk, to the assistant “I hope you can take your assistant job to heaven too”.

Now its my turn,i am bruised as well,i didn’t tell her (Narrator) that i am scared too,i feel sometimes that world is secretly planning against my defence and is thinking to attack soon and i know it will be a huge blow but i will fight for her i am stronger than before and dangerous as well,i am thirsty for revenge and they should know they can’t mess with me now and lastly those who ask where is the Old me

“She is dead and gone”

A fragile flower

 

Author: thegirlinthegreycoat

A girl with big dreams,have a passion for life, complicated and philosophical

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